It's Complicated?!

Greetings and Salutations!!

So, new pet peeve: It's Complicated. Why is that a relationship status on Facebook? We're adults, right? How is that YOU don't know what your relationship status is? Either you are in a relationship or you're not. It's really that simple. How can you be married one day and "it's complicated" the next? I'm going to need for these people to know what their status is. And if you're really not sure where you stand...how about leaving that field blank? Oh my! What a concept?! I think that "it's complicated" is THE worst relationship status because it indicates that there is an in between status. That it's okay to not know or to not be exclusively in a relationship. Single or blank...that's it. Fix it. Thanks.

Someone is going to appreciate me...

"Someone is going to appreciate me. I like to rub his feet. I like to cook for him. I sing songs and write him love letters and recite to him poetry from the bottom of my heart.

Someone is going to appreciate me. Every word I say, I mean. I love him with candlelight dinners. I love him with warm, honest hugs. I love him with kisses.

Someone is going to appreciate me. When I kiss him I pay attention to his reaction and study the way he feels. I want to kiss him right. When I love him I pay attention to his reaction and study the way he feels. I want to learn how to love him right. I want to please him.

Someone is going to appreciate this. My time, my money, my gifts, my flowers, my power, my integrity, my poise, my elegance, my love scenario. I rub his feet, it’s my way of saying, “I enjoy your body.” I buy him gifts as my way of saying, “Thank you for your company.” I think highly of my man. He is a hard worker. He is gentle. He is kind. He pleases me and he wants to and I am pleased to please him. I enjoy loving. It’s my desire and he desires me. I am not angry with my past. I am not defeated. I love freely. Free of yesterday’s bondage. Optimistic. And someone is going to appreciate that I dress for him. I smell good for him. I stay up late and conversate what’s on his mind. I make time for him. I stay fit for him. I have no problem being for him.

Someone is going to appreciate me and me for me like I am for him. Because a good man, I appreciate." --Chrisette Michelle

In a recession...everybody's a Christian

Preface: This will not be the most politically correct blog ever. It is just my observation and does not directly reflect the ideas/opinions of anyone but me.

lol...now that that's out of the way.

Am I the only one that's noticing that more people are "turning to God" all of a sudden. These same people who will sleep with tons of people, do drugs, listen to gangster rap...are now telling me to "pray about it" when I'm having a problem. I'm sorry...WHAT?! Let's not be a hypocrit, please. The same people who shack up and live in sin are telling me what Jesus would do. Ummm madame, what's your life about? Please. This recession is turning everyone into a Christian or maybe they are pretending just in case...Just in case what? I don't know. I guess they are hoping to keep their jobs, homes, cars, etc. and this is their answer. And if it's what you truly believe, that's fine. But don't be a Christian out of convenience or worse...fear. Do it because you believe...in all that the religion represents and you live accordingly. You can't say one thing and do another. You can half ass a lot of things but religion is not one of them. Half stepping will not get you into the pearly gates you seek. Hell, you're not even sure they exisist...you're just hoping. And that's what faith is...it's hope. But you can't have selective hope...it's all or nothing, friends.

I swear, if I see one more Facebook status about how people are hoping God blesses them or that they are giving Him all the glory I may scream. Seriously, either you are a believer all the time or not. I think religion brings people comfort in uncertain times. Gives people something to believe in...and that's cool. But please do it for the right reason. Don't be scared into religion.

Finding Happiness

"You feel pleasure when you want something and you get it. Or when you don't want something and you remove it. Pleasure is always relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect. The degree to which you do not accept life in all of the Divine forms is the degree to which you suffer."

Powerful statement, right? Never thought of it like that. I, like most people I'm sure, want to be happy but we get so caught up in the things we don't have or have not achieved. And in order to find that happiness we seek, there comes a point where we have to realize that fair is for the next life. Your life may not be what you want it be (yet). You may not have your dream job, car, house, lover/partner/mate, etc. But yet in still, we should be happy everyday. Happiness has nothing to do with pleasure.

It's not me, it's you

I've been doing a lot of self-reflection lately...realizing things about myself that I never paid attention to. I've been accused of being intimidating, and rightfully so. I never considered myself to be intimidating or at least not intentionally. When someone told me that, I was I had to take a poll. I couldn 't believe the results. Survey says: Yes, Ashley you are intimidating. ::gasp:: Then, I was like damn, I kinda feel bad that people are intimidated by me. But then, I realized...that's not MY fault. If people were secure in themselves and their abilities then I wouldn't intimidate them. Yes, I have a strong personality and yes there are very few people in this world that I will take shit from but...I don't know. Even though at first I almost took offense, now I see it as a compliment. It means that I'm not one of those people that you can say or do anything you want to. Now, I can see how I'm intimidating to men. I'm smart, attractive, classy...I have a job, all my teeth, etc. So I can see how men could not want to approach me because they can't just say anything to me. I'm not one of those women that responds to "Ay girl" or "Lemme holla at you for a minute." From just looking at me they should be able to tell that I'm not going for that. And I feel bad for those women who have self-esteem low enough to respond to that. My standards are high and I won't apologize for it. Either you come correct or take your moment of silence and keep on walking. But women?! C'mon! Give me a break! For the life of me I cannot understand how I could intimidate another woman. Please...if someone can tell me how I'll give them $5. Seriously?! Is your self-esteem THAT low? Are you not confident in yourself or comfortable in your own skin? Seek professional help...it's called self esteem - esteem of self...I can't help you with that.

Another thing I've discovered about myself is that my patience is very selective. Until about a week ago I considered myself to be a very patient person (i.e. I've put up with a lot of stuff) but there are some things that I just don't have patience for, like stupidity. I believe that there is a such thing as a dumb question. Maybe these people are my test and they are teaching me to grow into a more patient person, which could be my preparation for another phase in my life (marriage, motherhood, etc.) So, I'm trying to keep that in mind because I realized, just recently, that no one comes into your life by accident. Regardless of the situation, there is always something to be learned.

Pray my strength...

And the cycle continues...

Do you believe in generational curses? I'm beginning to believe that they are real. And if so, that would explain so much. Perhaps my failed relationships aren't my fault. Maybe, just maybe, I'm not meant to have a successful relationship. Is that possible? Here's where this is coming from...for the last month or so I've been taking a look at my life and everybody in it. During my observation, I realized that I have not witnessed ONE successful relationship within my family. Not my grandparents (on either side of the family), parents, aunts, uncles, cousins...nobody! Could it be that we're all doomed to unsuccessful relationships and heartache? I'm beginning to think so. I think that my grandparents set this pattern in motion and since none of their children have seen a healthy, successful, loving relationship the cycle continues. Is it possible that since we have never seen a lasting relationship that we don't know how to have one? I think so. I think you repeat what you see, regardless if you are conscious of it or not. It's not very encouraging to see my mother and her siblings who are all 40+ alone and unhappy. Could that be me 20 years from now? Or did they just make the wrong choices, choose the wrong people?

I mean, it would be easy for me to say, "That won't be me!" But what if that is beyond my control? What if it's not in the cards for me? What if my dreams of being a wife and mother never come true? In my heart of hearts, I would like to believe that it's not a curse and that my family members have just made horrible choices, which isn't far from the truth. I don't know. This has just been weighing on my mind lately. If this generational curse is real, I'm SCREWED!

Everybody's a little racist

Friends and Followers,

Let me start this blog by apologizing, in advance, for the ignorant, racist and foolish things that will be included in this blog. It may seem like a rant at times because I am beyond PISSED at this point. So, here it goes!

The got damn durka durka jihad (for all my Team America lovers) has my luggage. I have been without my luggage and all of its precious contents for what? Let's count them...1...2...3...4 DAYS! I'm convinced that the guys in India have them. Every time I call the United Airlines 1-800 # who answers the phone? That kid from Slumdog Millionaire (awesome movie, btw). I don't understand what they are saying and when I asked them to repeat themselves they sound offended! Oh sir! Oh no! The got damn durka durka jihad. I hate them with every once of my being right now. And today, as I was walking through the office cussin' under my breath, one of my co-workers says, "When you're mad at someone try to think of 2 nice things about them. By the time you figure it out, you won't be mad anymore." BULLSHIT! I don't know Salim. I can't think of nice things to say about someone I don't know. Especially, the people who have lost my luggage. My new luggage. The luggage I just got for Christmas. Mmmhmmm. PISSED! All I know is that all of my stuff inside my luggage better be there. Down to the last pair of underwear or there will be hell to pay, I assure you. I just want to talk to an American who speaks good English. For the life of me, I can't understand why they would put someone in a customer sevice position, in AMERICA that does not speak English! Seriously. How is that doing me any good? So frustating...

*steps off of soapbox* PISSED!