He's NACHOS!!!

Translation: He's not yours (get it? nachos?)...My heart has been a bit troubled by whether or not to blog about this for some time but somebody's gotta say it *clears throat* He is married. He will not divorce his wife. He is a liar and you need to love yourself more. Dating a married man says one thing to me, your self esteem is so low that you are willing to accept being sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths, etc. Since when is it okay to be the other woman? Huh?! I mean I hear you when you say, "He's in an unhappy marriage. He's going to leave his wife." But HELLO!!!! Even if that were true it doesn't make what you're doing right. Where are your morals?

And to make matters worse, this is a repetitive behavior. I mean for real. I don't want to hear all the good men are gay or married. Not true. Obviously, you need to get yourself together before even searching for a mate/lifepartner/whatever. Stop settling. And if you don't like the type of men you're attracting then guess what, I've got news for you honey...you attract what you are. Something about you says that you'll accept whatever they give you because you don't know any better.

But what really grinds my gears: How dare you get mad when he has to tend to his obligations with his FAMILY? You knew from jump you were not number one. Let's not act brand new. Speaking of which, what about his wife? Children? Sure, you've never met them but put yourself in their shoes. Homewrecker! I don't want to hear you don't have an obligation to them. What about an obligation to yourself? To hold yourself to a higher standard? Huh.

::end rant:: I just need all my loved ones (male and female) to do better. It is okay to be single. As one of my sorors says: Alone doesn't mean lonely. Tell a friend.

Do more...be more

Lately, I've been feeling like I need to do more with life. Even though I don't have a whole lot of free time I'd like to give what I can to some organization/person/etc (Let's not get it twisted, I am and will always be financial and active in my sorority. I know where my loyalty lies). I'd love to be a mentor to a young woman but I just don't feel like I can be consistent. Especially as much as I travel for work and other obligations. Anywho, so I got it in my mind that I wanted to join the National Council for Negro Women (NCNW). I thought, "Yes, this would be a great way to network and help the community." Right? So, I go on the NCNW website and find that there are 2 sections (like chapters) in my area. I'm thinking, "Oh this is awesome." So I email the Presidents of both sections and *drum roll* both of the emails bounced back. Say what?! C'mon people...do better. Just when I try to help "my people"...they disappoint me once again. So, the search continues. Maybe I'll try NAACP or the Urban League.

Going on record...

Ahem...I did not go to a HBCU. I had zero desire to attend a HBCU. I don't owe you any explanation of why I chose to go to a predominately white institution. Simply put...it wasn't for me. And I know I've offended a few people with my outlook on HBCUs but you know everyone's entitled to their opinion even when it's different from yours. Mmkay?

And why do a lot of HBCU Alums have an attitude towards those of us who did not choose a HBCU for higher education? I swear they are some of the most arrogant so and sos I know. So I'm less black/African American than you? Uh huh. Ok then. At least I have a degree that is respected outside of the black community. I'm just sayin'. No disrespect...Ok that was mean. My bad. Oh and the people that REALLY kill me are the Greeks that pledged/crossed at HBCUs. They think your process wasn't "real." And to this I reply, "But are you active? Financial? No? Then shut the hell up." Just because I didn't get beat down doesn't mean there wasn't a process...I'm sorry I'm getting off subject. That's another blog for another time...

While I can see the value for some to attend a HBCU I know I would have done myself a great disservice (yes, that's my word of the day) by going to a HBCU. I'm not knocking HBCUs at all (Ok...maybe I am). I think they serve a purpose for many. And I'm sure our collegiate experiences were very different. I'm just not convinced that HBCUs can prepare you for the real world because guess what? I have a secret for you...come close *whispers* The country is only about 12% black. You have to learn to work with other cultures and you can't learn that when everywhere you look everyone looks just like you.

*end rant*

Happy to be Nappy...

Alright this topic has been on my heart for a few weeks. One of my friends informed me that the term "nappy" is no longer negative. I'm sorry...say what?! Since when? The term is not now nor will it ever be a positive. I mean, I see a lot of people have embraced the "natural" hairstyle and that's cool but let's not call ourselves nappy and pretend it doesn't have a negative connotation. That's like people trying to make the "N" word positive by saying it's a term of endearment. Yea ok. That's what the slave owners used to say too. People let's not lie to ourselves. Let's accept the past for what it is and leave it be. I wish somebody, regardless of race, would call me nappy.

Is this our new way of telling our oppressors where to go? If so, we've certainly missed the mark. I'm sure they are laughing at us riiiight about now.

Birth Control is your friend...

Let's go get you a prescription. *dialing GYN*

I'm just trying to figure out why is it okay to have children (sometimes multiple children) out of wedlock. I'm tired of hearing the excuse "People make mistakes." Yes true, people do make mistakes and most mistakes can be avoided with a little proactivity. Seriously, if you know you're going to be sexually active, why not take the proper procautions? Condoms. Birth control. They are your friend. I know they can be costly but I assure you they are cheaper than a child. If I see another person/facebook friend who is pregnant before getting married I might scream and then point and laugh. You're 25. Do better. Call me old fashioned but it's not okay to have children out of wedlock.

You're 24/25 with 2 children and no degree. *blink blink* I know that's blunt but it's real. I mean, we all have our priorities but you are doing your children a disservice by not taking care of you and getting yourself together before bringing them into the world. Your children/future children deserve the best you. Give it them.

Being supportive...

So...I'm turning over a new leaf and trying to be healthier. I'm working out. I'm watching what I eat. Blah blah blah. And I must say that I appreciate the support I've received from my boyfriend. Even though he said, "This diet sucks." He's making the effort to support me. For instance, he was grocery shopping the other evening and he made sure to get "snacks" that I could eat (pretzles, popcorn, etc.). He purposefully stayed away from all of the sweets and junk food that I love so much. I was very touched by how thoughtful he was being. And then...dun dun dun I was at his place this weekend and grabbed an oreo I only got one bite before he snatched it out of my hand and ate the other half. I was pissed. I really wanted that oreo. But I love him for being committed to the guidlines I set.

I say all this to say that if your partner is trying something new just support them. Regardless how you feel about it personally. If it's something they feel strongly about and is something that is for their betterment, you should support them. It's hard to change your lifestyle on sheer will power. It takes support from those around you.

'Tis all. Carry on.

There's no "i" in team...

but there is in sorority. LOL! No but seriously, how can we serve our fellow man if there are people with their own agendas? If you are not going to a part of the solution you are most certainly a part of the problem and you are holding us back. When there is something to be done you should say, "How can I help?" and not "That's not my job." I'm sorry you madame are wrong and I'm calling you out. Good day. And I mean that in THE most sisterly way possible.