Why Women Love Assholes

A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with one of my best friends/future husband (lol) in which he asked me to teach him how to be an asshole. At first I laughed and didn't understand where he was coming from. Then, he explained. He said that every woman he knew is or has been involved with a man who could only be described by one word: asshole. Meaning, he mistreated and/or disrespected the woman in all sorts of ways. And despite the treatment these women still went back for more. In fact, this behavior seemed to make them want him more. And you say, "Why?" He said that he couldn't understand why women did this. This conversation got me thinking. So I said to myself, "Self, am I too guilty of this behavior? Have I had men in my life who did not live up to the standards I thought I had set?"And I had to answer, to both questions, unequivocally, "Yes." I have been guilty of allowing a man to mistreat me. I have been guilty of allowing a man to decide what I deserve. And I wish I could say that it was many many years ago and I've since learned from my mistake. I can't speak for anyone else, but if you agree feel free to chime in, but I personally think that I allowed this behavior because I did not realize my own worth. I didn't realize that I deserve the best. So, I would venture to say that most women feel this way. We settle for less than we deserve because we don't know what we want and therefore can't know what to look for. So, here's my question: when does this vicious cycle stop? I think that as women, we are so afraid of being alone and therefore lower our standards to just accept anything. Ladies, we deserve the best and I don't think that we should continue to be afraid to ask for it. If you want a man to respect you don't let him say or do anything he wants to you. No. That is no longer acceptable.

For me, my main issue has been...WAIT! Before I go into that let me put a disclaimer out there. My issue, while it may be a popular issue among women my age, I am only speaking for myself and am in no way blaming every man for this issue. Here we go...My main issue has been that I have never had a positive male role model in my life growing up. Not to mention, my mom...well...I digress that's for another blog at another time. There was no man in my life to show me (not just tell me) how a man is supposed to treat a woman. Everything I know about men, I've learned myself and often times the hard way. There was no one to show me that a man is supposed to open doors, pull out your chair, help you with your coat and open your car door. I didn't see that...I know NOW that's the way it's supposed to be and I'm still waiting for the man that knows it too. Chivlary is not dead it's just absent, in most men.

We live and we learn people. That's all I can really say. Know what you want and don't be afraid to ask for it. If you meet a guy and he seems too good to be true...he probably is. And if he's telling you everything you want to hear. He's probably lying. Not to say that there aren't amazing guys out there because I'm sure there are, but they are few and far between. If you find him, send him my way. Ladies, ask the hard questions and, most of all, keep your pants on. If anything, that's what I've learned from my past experiences. I can no longer comply with foolishness. If you aren't willing to be the man I need you to be...Good Day Sir! No hard feelings, I just can't have someone in my life who isn't good for me, good to me and has my best interests at heart.

I can be the woman you need but not the girl you're looking for. So, I wish you the best of luck ;-) I will no longer seek but be sought. Think about it...