It's not me, it's you

I've been doing a lot of self-reflection lately...realizing things about myself that I never paid attention to. I've been accused of being intimidating, and rightfully so. I never considered myself to be intimidating or at least not intentionally. When someone told me that, I was I had to take a poll. I couldn 't believe the results. Survey says: Yes, Ashley you are intimidating. ::gasp:: Then, I was like damn, I kinda feel bad that people are intimidated by me. But then, I realized...that's not MY fault. If people were secure in themselves and their abilities then I wouldn't intimidate them. Yes, I have a strong personality and yes there are very few people in this world that I will take shit from but...I don't know. Even though at first I almost took offense, now I see it as a compliment. It means that I'm not one of those people that you can say or do anything you want to. Now, I can see how I'm intimidating to men. I'm smart, attractive, classy...I have a job, all my teeth, etc. So I can see how men could not want to approach me because they can't just say anything to me. I'm not one of those women that responds to "Ay girl" or "Lemme holla at you for a minute." From just looking at me they should be able to tell that I'm not going for that. And I feel bad for those women who have self-esteem low enough to respond to that. My standards are high and I won't apologize for it. Either you come correct or take your moment of silence and keep on walking. But women?! C'mon! Give me a break! For the life of me I cannot understand how I could intimidate another woman. Please...if someone can tell me how I'll give them $5. Seriously?! Is your self-esteem THAT low? Are you not confident in yourself or comfortable in your own skin? Seek professional help...it's called self esteem - esteem of self...I can't help you with that.

Another thing I've discovered about myself is that my patience is very selective. Until about a week ago I considered myself to be a very patient person (i.e. I've put up with a lot of stuff) but there are some things that I just don't have patience for, like stupidity. I believe that there is a such thing as a dumb question. Maybe these people are my test and they are teaching me to grow into a more patient person, which could be my preparation for another phase in my life (marriage, motherhood, etc.) So, I'm trying to keep that in mind because I realized, just recently, that no one comes into your life by accident. Regardless of the situation, there is always something to be learned.

Pray my strength...