Riddle me this Batman...

Since when is giving someone TWO MONTHS notice being inconsiderate? Please tell me. I'm soooo soooo soooooo tired of people giving me the okie doke. I honestly think that people take my niceness and desire to be liked for weakness. Please don't get it twisted! While I am a very nice person (I think) and I do like for people to like me I am not weak, by anymeans and I will cuss your ass out in a heart beat...and I mean that in the most sisterliest sisterly way. People please stop testing me. Folks won't be satisfied until... well let's not find out...okay?

Good day!

Do you really not love me anymore?

Alright...I haven't blogged in a MINUTE!!! Too much to say and not enough time to explore every detail. So, here we go... I get a phone call from my ex last night. I didn't answer because I didn't think I was mature enough to handle the conversation. I was hoping he'd leave a message but when he didn't I said to myself "Self, don't be a bitch...call him back." So I did. And he picks on the phone, on the VERY last ring, sounding all kinds of depressed. He sounded like someone (maybe me) had just slapped his mama and killed his puppy. So the conversation lasted all of 1 minute and 2 seconds (according to the call timer). He didn't have much to say it was basically hey how you doing, etc. So we hung up. I get a TEXT MESSAGE about 15 minutes later saying "Do you really not love me anymore?" And to myself I'm thinking "Here we go..." To which I responded "I will always have feelings for you...that's natural after being with someone for 3 years. But am I in love with you? No. Is that what you called me for?" "Yes and to hear your voice." "Why didn't you just say that?" "Because I knew my emotions would get the best of me and I'd end up begging you to come back." Ok while I feel bad and I know this sucks for him it is what is because it's the way it has to be. I told him that I was sorry and that it was okay (haha as if he needed my permission) to hate me. Yo! Hypothetically, if I did take him back (which I wouldn't) what would be different? NOTHING! We would still not have anything in common, he would still not have a car, job, vision, etc. So where does that leave me? In the exact same place as a few weeks ago. So no...I'm sorry! I'm done putting other people and their feelings before my own.

When he is ready to a MATURE conversation about why things didn't work...we can do that. But until then don't call my phone sounding like someone shot your puppy. For real, if you're going to be depresseed, be depressed on your own. Don't drag others in it with you. That's not fair.

And it was sooo irritating to me. You call me and have nothing to say but can say everything thru text message. I mean, on the one hand I get it! You didn't want to boo hoo on the phone but on the other hand BE A MAN! Damn!

Oh and sadly, my life with him fit nicely in a Nike shoe box that is currently under my bed. HUGE STEP!

So here we are...

What to do with...all this stuff?

Ok...so the break up has happened...it's official. So what do I do with all his stuff? The movies, the clothes... Yesterday I brought myself to throw away his toothbrush. That was tough. But I did it. But what about the cards, pictures...? Do I just put the in a box and shove it under my bed? Do I just throw them away? WHAT? I strongly doubt I could bring myself to throw the stuff away. And I can't do it all at once either. Throwing the toothbrush away was a big step for me. Because this break up has been hard. No lie. Not a day goes by that I don't want to call, text, email. Not one day. Whoever said it gets easier LIED. Or at least I haven't gotten to that point yet. Getting together is easy, but breaking up is hard...so hard.

Doing what's best doesn't always feel good

When will it stop? *screams loudly* Ugh... I hate that feeling of regret. As if I've made the biggest mistake of my life. You know that feeling at the bottom of your stomach that says "Something's not right here!" Or when you feel something (or someone in this case) tugging at your heartstrings.

While I know the decision I made is what's best for me right now I just don't like feeling like this. The first few days were fine but now I'm second guessing myself. Dammit... I love him. There's no denying that... so why can't he hurry up and be the man I need him to be? Am I wrong? I mean, I know you're thinking, "Ashley it takes time." Well dammit, how much longer? I want so bad to call him and tell him how sorry I am but I know that would not be appropriate. I still want him in my life but I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to speak to me right now.

This is going to be the longest weekend EVER! Ugh! I hate this emotional rollercoaster!!! I want off this ride...NOW!

Day One

So, I've been a little hesitant to blog about this but here goes nothing. Today marked the day that I ended a 3 year relationship. I can't believe I actually did it. While I feel...relieved. I also feel guilty. Guilty because I should have done it sooner. Guilty because I hurt him. Guilty because I love him...still. Guilty because I did something for myself...finally. Is that weird? I mean, I know this is best...for me. But why do I feel so bad? How long will it be before I don't feel horrible? I feel horrible about putting myself first...wow.

It's weird though. I never thought I'd feel this way. When I told my best friend she said, "Well...you're a free woman now." Free? From what? It won't stop me from thinking about him. Wondering what he's doing...who he's with...if he's thinking about me.

Needless to say...it's going to take time. So let's mark this day one. Day one of healing...Day one of putting me first. Day one of learning the virtue of patience.

Dear Mr. McCain

*Disclaimer: I know I'm late but I haven't been near a computer all weekend*

You asshole! How DARE you think that by choosing a woman as your running mate you have this election in the bag? Do you really think that we are just that dumb? Yes, I am a Hillary Clinton supporter. I and other Clinton supporters did not just vote for A woman we voted for THAT woman. And just some other nobody with a vagina from Alaska will just not do. I personally am offended that you would think that by choosing Mrs. Palin as your running mate would get women and Clinton supporters to vote for you. I think it was a slap in the face to all women. That just goes to show how high you value our opinion and what you will do as President if elected. Hopefully we won't have to find out.

PLUS, you chose someone from Alaska who knows nothing! OMG... could you have picked a worse person? And I think she should be offended that you chose her just because of her gender, not based on what she could do in the position as Vice President. She's a smart one.

And how dare you criticize Obama for not being versed in everything? How is she different? My God, she's from ALASKA!!!! The problems that Alaska has are not the same problems the rest of the country has. I mean yes, they have a meth problem but other than that they cannot compare to the rest of the country. Honestly, is Mrs. Palin anymore prepared to handle a crisis than Obama? If anything were to happen to you would she be prepared to take care of business? I think we both know the answer to those questions. NO! Someone should really slap you!

This is going to be really interesting to say the least. But let's be clear Mr. McCain, you are an old bastard. And I can't wait for the polls to prove how the citizens of the U.S of A feel about you! UGH... I'm so annoyed!

That is all...