Do you really not love me anymore?

Alright...I haven't blogged in a MINUTE!!! Too much to say and not enough time to explore every detail. So, here we go... I get a phone call from my ex last night. I didn't answer because I didn't think I was mature enough to handle the conversation. I was hoping he'd leave a message but when he didn't I said to myself "Self, don't be a bitch...call him back." So I did. And he picks on the phone, on the VERY last ring, sounding all kinds of depressed. He sounded like someone (maybe me) had just slapped his mama and killed his puppy. So the conversation lasted all of 1 minute and 2 seconds (according to the call timer). He didn't have much to say it was basically hey how you doing, etc. So we hung up. I get a TEXT MESSAGE about 15 minutes later saying "Do you really not love me anymore?" And to myself I'm thinking "Here we go..." To which I responded "I will always have feelings for you...that's natural after being with someone for 3 years. But am I in love with you? No. Is that what you called me for?" "Yes and to hear your voice." "Why didn't you just say that?" "Because I knew my emotions would get the best of me and I'd end up begging you to come back." Ok while I feel bad and I know this sucks for him it is what is because it's the way it has to be. I told him that I was sorry and that it was okay (haha as if he needed my permission) to hate me. Yo! Hypothetically, if I did take him back (which I wouldn't) what would be different? NOTHING! We would still not have anything in common, he would still not have a car, job, vision, etc. So where does that leave me? In the exact same place as a few weeks ago. So no...I'm sorry! I'm done putting other people and their feelings before my own.

When he is ready to a MATURE conversation about why things didn't work...we can do that. But until then don't call my phone sounding like someone shot your puppy. For real, if you're going to be depresseed, be depressed on your own. Don't drag others in it with you. That's not fair.

And it was sooo irritating to me. You call me and have nothing to say but can say everything thru text message. I mean, on the one hand I get it! You didn't want to boo hoo on the phone but on the other hand BE A MAN! Damn!

Oh and sadly, my life with him fit nicely in a Nike shoe box that is currently under my bed. HUGE STEP!

So here we are...