Where does it hurt?

EVERYWHERE!!!! So 2 training sessions and cycling this week and I'm hurting all over. I think every muscle group got worked this week. Yesterday my trainer said to me, "Make sure you're engaging your core at all times." I looked at her *insert blank stare* and said "you know I don't have a core!" C'mon let's not be insulting.

But come spring no one will be able to tell me nothing! Now that I've got a workout routine established let's work on our eating habits, shall we?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Test

This is just a test. I want to see if blogging from my phone actually works.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Add a little more...

Yesterday, I took my second spinning class *fist pump* at 9:15 am. First of all, it is rare that I am even out of the house this early, forget exercising. And believe it or not, it was a packed house. Every bike taken...thank goodness I got there early.

Again, very hard workout but it was good. And I think it's getting a little easier I suppose now that I know what to expect. My instructor's (who I'm told has man boobs...I didn't notice. Jury's still out) voice is still ringing in my ears "add a little more (resistence)". I kept saying in my head "If he makes me add a little more one more time I'm going to add my finger to his eye." LOL! Then I discovered that he wouldn't know whether or not I added any or not. Sooooo I stopped...Now, I know you're thinking, "She probably didn't add any at all!" LOL! WRONG! I added to my max and just stayed there. The only time I moved it was when it was time to lighten the resistence *fist pump* AND I was able to "jog"! I'm so proud of myself.

I need to take some before pictures so that I can compare them in a few months. This trainer is going to kick my ass. I signed up for a whole year. What was I thinking?!

In the front...

Yesterday I decided to take another class at my new, fancy gym. It was called "Body Works Plus Abs." It definitely lived up to its name. Weights, squats and lunges are the devil by themselves but with their powers combined? Whewww...anywhoo here's how it went...

5:35
I walk in to the class and realize that the only spaces available are in the front. Awesome. My first time in the class and here I am having to be in the front. Wait...let me back up. The group exercise room is made of glass which means people on the street and inside the gym can see you. My first thought was "OMG people will SEE me!" Mortified. AND I gotta be in the front? Awesome. In the end though, I realized it didn't matter and no one was looking at me.

5:45
So here we go...on the warm up the instructor made us do some side to side movements. I don't know what it's really called but think the two step. Now, I don't know if you know this about me but I have ABSOLUTELY NO RHYTHM. So here I am in the FRONT of the class and these white women are putting me to shame. I looked in the mirror and saw one lady staring at me (or at least I think she was) and the expression on her face said "A black girl with no rhythm?!" Yes that's me! Would you like an autograph?

5:50-6:45
Another sweat feast. Good workout I think I'll go back. I just have to get there early enough to get a spot in the middle. And so much for preserving my edges! Note to self: Must get headband.

6:55-7:15ish
As I'm walking out of the gym this guy approaches me, asking me about my work out, etc. Side note: They were having an open house so they were trying to sell everyone on their facility. Anyway, long story short I let this man talk me into personal training. Smh...I don't know what came over me. *sigh* Expect to see more blogs about my fitness journey.

*drafts will*

12 Big Steps to the Big Pig Out

There's a bit of a delay on this post but here it goes... Last Tuesday I went to a spinning (cycling) class with one of my co-workers. I don't know if you know anything about spinning but prior to going I had heard horror stories about pain in the hooha/booty region and I thought to myself, "That's the last thing I need!" But I go anyway and here's an account of how it went down.

5:15 pm
Locate spinning room. Find bike. Get set up on said bike.

5:20ish
Everyone in the class is pedaling, so I being the new kid on the block followed suit but then I realized the class hasn't started yet. So I ask my co-worker "Why are we pedaling?" And she tells me that it's to get your legs warmed up blah blah blah but then I asked "Isn't there a warm up portion during the class?" She confirmed that there was so I stopped pedaling. Why should I exert MORE energy prior to the class starting?

5:30
Alright here we go...the warm up. Now, for this class the instructor designed 12 steps for our workout, each lasting 30 seconds. So for the warm up we were to do steps 1-3 and I was like okay I can do this. But by Step 2 I was sweating...HARD. And this was JUST the warm up. Not to mention this class is an hour long. Mmhmm sure...

5:33-6:30
By far the hardest workout of my life! Especially the step called "jog to run." You have to stand up on the pedals and jog and then run. Nope not gonna happen. So while everyone is jogging and running I am sitting. Looking at these people sweat and turn red and look miserable. I just couldn't do it. I could do all (a.k.a most) of the other steps albeit at my own pace but there will be no standing and pedaling. No no no.

So the class is over and I'm sweating in places I didn't even know had sweat glands. Hear me when I say, I was soaked down to my SOCKS. Normally, my feet don't sweat but oh boy spinning was a horse of a different color. On top of all of that my ponytail got wet. I just got my hair done on Saturday. Luckily there was a hair appointment the next day. My mother tells facebook that I was not cute when I got home. Thanks, Mom.

Lessons learned/confirmed:
1. Only go to spinning class the day before the hair appointment.
2. Wear a headband...it may help with the edges.
3. Wear full coverage undies
4. Ponytail must be high on the head or tucked under because it will get wet.

Until next time...

Do over!!!

Now that I'm 2 months or so into being 25 I'm realizing that it's not AS bad as I thought it would be. Shocking! Sure, my feeling of lacking purpose hasn't subsided but all in all it's really not the life shattering event I thought it was going to be. Not to mention I was too caught up in the "What ifs" to really even enjoy my birthday. I kept thinking I haven't done this, that or the other things I thought I woulda done by now.

But if I could do it all over again I would:
1. Be grateful...some people didn't make it to 25
2. Enjoy the "compliments" from people who didn't believe I was turning 25 instead of getting mad.
3. Realize that life is toooooo short to worry about all the what ifs. Here and now is what really counts.

With age comes wisdom, right? Here's to many more birthdays to come!

Lacking purpose

Yesterday, as I finished yet another book while getting paid to do so, I asked (more like scolded) myself "What are you doing?" As I looked up and stared into space, at my inner self I suppose, tears stung my eyes and I realized that this is no way to live. I should not be able to get paid to Facebook, Gchat and tweet all day. I know some of you may say, "That sounds awesome." And it was. But now it's annoyingly devastating. I dread going to work every day. Even though I get to travel the country and see all these difference places it no longer matters. The thrill is gone. I'm merely exisiting in this place, this rut that I've found myself in. Complacency has captured me and taken me hostage.


You ever get the feeling that your time and talent are being wasted? Like your current situation sucks so bad that you can't see a way around it? Well, I'm there. Then, today I was reading the September issue of Real Simple and they interviewed five successful people and one of them said "do something you're passionate about" or something like that. And then it hit me, I'm not passionate about what I'm doing professionally and a part of me wonders if I ever was. On the one hand I think "welcome to the rest of your life" but a large part of me wants, needs, deserves more. It's not healthy to wake up each day without a purpose. I go into work, usually late these days, sit at my desk and think about who I can text to pass the time. What should I tweet next? What should my next Facebook status be? That's no way to live! Frankly, I'm wasting my time and my employers money.


I know I should be thankful to have a job and the ability to pay my bills and I am but at what cost? It's not healthy to wake up each day and have to fight myself each step of the way (from the bed to the shower, from the shower to the closet to pick out an outfit that hopefully matches, bedroom to the car and then convince myself to actually get out of the car and into the office building). Unless you're not convinced already I'm telling you this is no way to live. There's so many things I want to do and there's no reason I shouldn't chase my dreams. I can't keep leaning on my fear of student loan debt. I've already got $70K what's a few thousand more? I want to write a book. I want to go to law school. So today I've decided that enough is enough. Upon my return from Spokane, WA (right, another trip in the middle of nowhere), I'm going to start studying for the LSAT. It's always been my dream to go to law school and I've let my financial and professional situation shadow that dream. All I want is to wake up each day and feel like I have a purpose. Like I'm passionate about...something, anything.

*chuckling to myself* I revealed (told on myself) a lot in this one blog. 3 days before my 25th birthday and this is where I find myself. *shrug* Que sera sera, friends.

And as always, thanks for reading.

The Way I See It

This post is an open letter to Anthony Milton II and Cyril Williams, the two men responsible for killing State Trooper Wesley Brown...

Dear Anthony and Cyril,

Even if you may never read this I felt the need to get this off my chest. I must say that I am disappointed in you. No, I don't know you but what I do know is that you have caused a great deal of unnecessary hurt. When will we learn that violence is not the answer? Cyril, you were removed from the Applebees due to your behavior and you come back with a gun 30 minutes later intending to end the life of the office who was doing his job. It looks as if you have succeeded. Congrats! How does it feel? Was it worth it?

You two men are what's wrong with OUR community. What gives you the right to take another life? Because your ego was hurt? I've never seen such disrespect and disregard for another life. It is my hope that the both of you are punished to the full extent of the law. You have embarrased your families and this community. My thoughts and prayers go out to them. You two are two of the reasons why society has a negative outlook on the black community.

Not sure how you thought you were going to get away with this. You should be ashamed of yourself. It's not just that Wesley was a cop but he was a person. Reportedly a good person. And you take it upon yourself to shoot him to ensure your "rep" was intact. Again I say, you should be ashamed of yourselves. There are so many more things I can say but you are a disgrace to your community. Good luck in prison. I'm sure you'll be there for a long time.

I pray that some good comes from this situation. I know we can't see it now but this tragedy may encourage some other young men to turn their lives around and hopefully learn from your mistakes.

Best,
Concerned Citizen

Discovering new love...

I've been holding on to this blog for a few months. Actually more than a few, since January to be exact. Not because I'm shy or anything but mainly because I get annoyed with people's facebook posts declaring their love for their boyfriend/girlfriend. How they can't breathe without them? It's like they worship them. It's actually pretty nauseating. Especially, those younger people, who are barely adults but are convinced the boy they are dating as a sophomore will be around after graduation. Lovely thought but not realistic. Believe me. I've been there. I'm not hating or anything but damn. Anywhoo, I've decided that this blog is my personal (although very public) virtual diary. So, I'll write and express myself however I see fit. Don't like it? Skip this blog.

Here we go...

New love is scary and wonderful at the same time. The wonderfulness (is that a word?) of it all definitely trumps the scary part. While I enjoy discovering his likes, dislikes and what makes him tick I'm also nervous that I may say or do the wrong thing, only because I don't know better. Ya know? It's like...I don't know how to explain it. It's not the type of fear that makes you stop doing things but the kind that makes you cautious. I guess. I've enjoyed every minute of it though. It's been almost a year and my how time flies. I've never enjoyed someone's company as much as I do his. It's weird. Not bad weird just different. I absolutely adore this man. It's like one of those lovestories from movies but it's real. For real. I mean as corny as it may sound that's what it feels like. Without a shadow of doubt I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with this one man. It's crazy. I've dated other guys and thought that I could make it work if I had to but it's different this time.

I enjoy hearing the smile before the laugh. I love the way I fit perfectly in his arms. I love the way our hands find each other while we walk down the street. I love how thoughtful he is. I love how he goes above and beyond to ensure I'm happy. I love the way that he loves me. I love the way he adds me to his plans...life plans...long-term plans. I can't wait to see where our journey goes. *content sigh*

Coming to grips

In approximately 92 days (not that I'm counting) I will be turning 25. Yikes! I've been dreading my 25th birthday probably since I turned 24 and I'm not even REALLY sure why. Could it be that I'm not where I thought I would be when I set up my plans before college? Back then, 25 seemed sooo far away but it came QUICK. I think I set unrealistic goals for myself. I thought by now I'd be married, graduating law school, in a home of my own, etc. However, upon graduation from college reality (i.e. student loans and the real world) set in, slapping me in the face. When I realized that I would graduating undergrad with $80K in loans, the mere thought of applying for more loans to attend law school made me ill. I just couldn't stomach the thought. Along the same lines, owing that much definitely keeps you from saving money to purchase a home/condo/place of your own. I say all this to say that I'm finally coming to grips with the fact that my 17 year old self had no idea what would lie ahead. There's nothing wrong with dreaming big but dreams/hopes have the right to change and alter themselves into reality. I'm not where I thought I'd be and it's okay, I didn't know what I was talking about anyway. LOL. Slowly, over the 90+ days I'll be 100% okay with where I am and who I am right now. I'll worry about who and where I'm supposed to be when I get there.

Moral of the story: You can't plan everything. And that's okay. Things happen when they're supposed to.

Out like the jeri curl

Alright so...I don't know if you've noticed or not but a lot of people, both men and women, are going natural, getting dreads, etc. I often wonder if it's just a phase or fad that will eventually fade away, like the jeri curl, high top fades, etc. I mean, it's cool right now because it seems like the thing to do but for how long? I'm wondering what the next thing will be. Will the perm become popular again? Will people get tired of their dreads? This isn't going to be a long entry but it's something that I've been thinking about. I mean, they say going natural is better for your hair blah blah blah but seriously, what happens when you don't want to be natural anymore? Is it true that you have to shave your head if you decide not to dread (no pun intended) it anymore?

Just curious.

#TMI

Sooo...yea...this posting is not for the faint at heart. It may be a little too personal for some. If you're not ready to know me on that level, stop reading now....

I had quite the experience this evening. And I know you're probably wondering what it is, since I've been tweeting about it. Well here is a tale of my first (and possibly last) bikini wax. For real, if you're not ready, stop reading now.

6:30 pm
I walk into the shop give the girl at the counter my name. I had been anticipating this day for weeks and now that it was here I was beside my self.

6:32 pm
Getting really antsy. My appointment was at 6:30 wtf?!

Approx. 6:35 pm
"Ashley you can go on back." I go into the room and I'm standing there not knowing what to do I put my purse down on the chair and stood there. The woman (she works there) across the hall was like, "Do you want to use the restroom before she gets started?" To which I reply, "Should I?" She says, "Go ahead." So I go thinking that's probably a good idea, how embarassing would it have been if I peed on her. I get back in the room and there she is getting ready for me. "You can close the door. Go ahead and take off your pants. You should probably remove your underpants too." Noooooooow I'm getting nervous

6:45 pm
Spread eagle, nude from the waist down in front of a complete stranger. I mean, she did my eyebrows once. Does that count? Anywhoo...without warning, here comes to wax. She keeps telling me to relax but I can't. Sure, it didn't hurt as much as I anticipated but that shit still hurt. And I mean, she is going to town. "Your hair comes out really nicely." Uh huh. Was that a compliment? I don't know but I didn't say thank you. "You're sweating." Uhhh yea that's the body's natural response to stressful situations. She keeps going. "You really know how to sweat." To this, I apologize. Finally it's over

7:05 pm
Aloe and baby powder and she sends me on my way. "Don't put hot water on the area until tomorrow and please wear cotton underwear." Well...alright then. I put my clothes back on, go to the desk, pay for my service "I'll see you next time." Uh huh. Sure you will :-\

I thought I'd be walking funny because you know...that's a very sensitive area. Definitely the experience. And one I only had to pay $27 for ($25 + $2 tip). Not sure what the tip was for. I just paid her for the pain.

'Tis all. I suppose I'm all ready for the beach now, huh? I won't be like Miranda in Sex and the City (the movie).

He's NACHOS!!!

Translation: He's not yours (get it? nachos?)...My heart has been a bit troubled by whether or not to blog about this for some time but somebody's gotta say it *clears throat* He is married. He will not divorce his wife. He is a liar and you need to love yourself more. Dating a married man says one thing to me, your self esteem is so low that you are willing to accept being sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths, etc. Since when is it okay to be the other woman? Huh?! I mean I hear you when you say, "He's in an unhappy marriage. He's going to leave his wife." But HELLO!!!! Even if that were true it doesn't make what you're doing right. Where are your morals?

And to make matters worse, this is a repetitive behavior. I mean for real. I don't want to hear all the good men are gay or married. Not true. Obviously, you need to get yourself together before even searching for a mate/lifepartner/whatever. Stop settling. And if you don't like the type of men you're attracting then guess what, I've got news for you honey...you attract what you are. Something about you says that you'll accept whatever they give you because you don't know any better.

But what really grinds my gears: How dare you get mad when he has to tend to his obligations with his FAMILY? You knew from jump you were not number one. Let's not act brand new. Speaking of which, what about his wife? Children? Sure, you've never met them but put yourself in their shoes. Homewrecker! I don't want to hear you don't have an obligation to them. What about an obligation to yourself? To hold yourself to a higher standard? Huh.

::end rant:: I just need all my loved ones (male and female) to do better. It is okay to be single. As one of my sorors says: Alone doesn't mean lonely. Tell a friend.

Do more...be more

Lately, I've been feeling like I need to do more with life. Even though I don't have a whole lot of free time I'd like to give what I can to some organization/person/etc (Let's not get it twisted, I am and will always be financial and active in my sorority. I know where my loyalty lies). I'd love to be a mentor to a young woman but I just don't feel like I can be consistent. Especially as much as I travel for work and other obligations. Anywho, so I got it in my mind that I wanted to join the National Council for Negro Women (NCNW). I thought, "Yes, this would be a great way to network and help the community." Right? So, I go on the NCNW website and find that there are 2 sections (like chapters) in my area. I'm thinking, "Oh this is awesome." So I email the Presidents of both sections and *drum roll* both of the emails bounced back. Say what?! C'mon people...do better. Just when I try to help "my people"...they disappoint me once again. So, the search continues. Maybe I'll try NAACP or the Urban League.

Going on record...

Ahem...I did not go to a HBCU. I had zero desire to attend a HBCU. I don't owe you any explanation of why I chose to go to a predominately white institution. Simply put...it wasn't for me. And I know I've offended a few people with my outlook on HBCUs but you know everyone's entitled to their opinion even when it's different from yours. Mmkay?

And why do a lot of HBCU Alums have an attitude towards those of us who did not choose a HBCU for higher education? I swear they are some of the most arrogant so and sos I know. So I'm less black/African American than you? Uh huh. Ok then. At least I have a degree that is respected outside of the black community. I'm just sayin'. No disrespect...Ok that was mean. My bad. Oh and the people that REALLY kill me are the Greeks that pledged/crossed at HBCUs. They think your process wasn't "real." And to this I reply, "But are you active? Financial? No? Then shut the hell up." Just because I didn't get beat down doesn't mean there wasn't a process...I'm sorry I'm getting off subject. That's another blog for another time...

While I can see the value for some to attend a HBCU I know I would have done myself a great disservice (yes, that's my word of the day) by going to a HBCU. I'm not knocking HBCUs at all (Ok...maybe I am). I think they serve a purpose for many. And I'm sure our collegiate experiences were very different. I'm just not convinced that HBCUs can prepare you for the real world because guess what? I have a secret for you...come close *whispers* The country is only about 12% black. You have to learn to work with other cultures and you can't learn that when everywhere you look everyone looks just like you.

*end rant*

Happy to be Nappy...

Alright this topic has been on my heart for a few weeks. One of my friends informed me that the term "nappy" is no longer negative. I'm sorry...say what?! Since when? The term is not now nor will it ever be a positive. I mean, I see a lot of people have embraced the "natural" hairstyle and that's cool but let's not call ourselves nappy and pretend it doesn't have a negative connotation. That's like people trying to make the "N" word positive by saying it's a term of endearment. Yea ok. That's what the slave owners used to say too. People let's not lie to ourselves. Let's accept the past for what it is and leave it be. I wish somebody, regardless of race, would call me nappy.

Is this our new way of telling our oppressors where to go? If so, we've certainly missed the mark. I'm sure they are laughing at us riiiight about now.

Birth Control is your friend...

Let's go get you a prescription. *dialing GYN*

I'm just trying to figure out why is it okay to have children (sometimes multiple children) out of wedlock. I'm tired of hearing the excuse "People make mistakes." Yes true, people do make mistakes and most mistakes can be avoided with a little proactivity. Seriously, if you know you're going to be sexually active, why not take the proper procautions? Condoms. Birth control. They are your friend. I know they can be costly but I assure you they are cheaper than a child. If I see another person/facebook friend who is pregnant before getting married I might scream and then point and laugh. You're 25. Do better. Call me old fashioned but it's not okay to have children out of wedlock.

You're 24/25 with 2 children and no degree. *blink blink* I know that's blunt but it's real. I mean, we all have our priorities but you are doing your children a disservice by not taking care of you and getting yourself together before bringing them into the world. Your children/future children deserve the best you. Give it them.

Being supportive...

So...I'm turning over a new leaf and trying to be healthier. I'm working out. I'm watching what I eat. Blah blah blah. And I must say that I appreciate the support I've received from my boyfriend. Even though he said, "This diet sucks." He's making the effort to support me. For instance, he was grocery shopping the other evening and he made sure to get "snacks" that I could eat (pretzles, popcorn, etc.). He purposefully stayed away from all of the sweets and junk food that I love so much. I was very touched by how thoughtful he was being. And then...dun dun dun I was at his place this weekend and grabbed an oreo I only got one bite before he snatched it out of my hand and ate the other half. I was pissed. I really wanted that oreo. But I love him for being committed to the guidlines I set.

I say all this to say that if your partner is trying something new just support them. Regardless how you feel about it personally. If it's something they feel strongly about and is something that is for their betterment, you should support them. It's hard to change your lifestyle on sheer will power. It takes support from those around you.

'Tis all. Carry on.

There's no "i" in team...

but there is in sorority. LOL! No but seriously, how can we serve our fellow man if there are people with their own agendas? If you are not going to a part of the solution you are most certainly a part of the problem and you are holding us back. When there is something to be done you should say, "How can I help?" and not "That's not my job." I'm sorry you madame are wrong and I'm calling you out. Good day. And I mean that in THE most sisterly way possible.